You smell like stripper and shame
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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