covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
