You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
please come you make the beer taste better
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
