beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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