Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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