I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
