I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
