Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
