I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
