mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
