In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
two words: eviction party
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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