Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
