i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
