but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
