My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
