just tell him i said nine months
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
