I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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