I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
