My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
