dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
