Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
