I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
