sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
