Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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