My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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