I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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