Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
