You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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