Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
