I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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