gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
