I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
