Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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