Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
