if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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