I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
