I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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