Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
