Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
