Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
