nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize