I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
