you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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