I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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