I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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