He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
