okay pat passed out under dana's car
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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