Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
