I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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