i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
