Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
