wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
