My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize