Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
