heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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